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The Cold Kindess Effect: Why Some People Seem Nicer When They're Under the Weather

By Frank Thewes
Empathy
Posted: February 26, 2024

Sniffles, sweats, and a cough that lasts from November to May... It's cold season again. If you're paying attention, you might notice something a little different in yourself or others during this year's Kleenexfest.  Because being sick isn't exactly conducive to sunshine and rainbows. Yet, amidst the misery, there's often a peculiar bloom – a strange kindness, an unexpected kind turn of temperament that some people seem to manifest. We become more tolerant of burnt toast, less upset about spilled milk, and beaming with sweetness and decency for our caretakers and family. Why? The Cold Kindess Effect.

The answer isn't as simple as a fever-induced hallucination. It's a fascinating cocktail of biology, social dynamics, and maybe even a sprinkle of existentialism. So, grab your hot tea and fuzzy socks, and let's explore the curious case of the Sickly Saint:

1. Vulnerability Unveiled: When we're sick, our shields drop. We're stripped bare, exposed to the world in our weakest, most unarmored state. This vulnerability triggers a powerful human instinct – empathy. Our loved ones, in turn, mirror that empathy, morphing into compassionate caregivers, fetching soup and whispering sweet nothings about rest. This reciprocal empathy loop creates a virtuous cycle of kindness, bathing us in a warm glow of human connection.

2. Mortality Musings: A brush with illness, however mild, throws mortality into sharp relief. Suddenly, the petty squabbles and daily trivialities seem inconsequential. The world shrinks to the simple pleasures of a warm bed, a gentle voice, and the sheer relief of a fever break. Perspective narrows away from all the day to day problems to reveal the most important things in life. This existential reset can nudge us towards prioritizing kindness, appreciating the small acts of care that truly matter.

3. Gratitude Amplified: When we're healthy, the symphony of life can fade into the background. A hug from a loved one, a steaming bowl of soup – these everyday acts become part of the white noise. But illness acts like a conductor, raising the volume on our gratitude. We become acutely aware of the blessings around us, from the valiant efforts of caregivers to the simple comfort of a clean bed. This amplified appreciation naturally translates into increased kindness and generosity towards those who contribute to our well-being.

4. The Body's Peace Offering: There's actually a biological aspect at play too. During illness, our bodies release oxytocin, the "cuddle hormone" known for its stress-reducing and empathy-boosting effects. This hormonal change softens our edges, making us more receptive to connection and less inclined to unleash our inner grump. Think of it as the body's apology for the inconvenience of illness, a peace offering of kindness to compensate for the sniffles and sneezes.

5. The Power of Perspective: A dose of illness can be a humbling experience. We're thrust into a state of dependence, relying on the kindness of others for basic needs. This shift in perspective can awaken a newfound appreciation for the invisible caretakers who often hold our lives together. It inspires us to offer that same care back, spreading the ripples of kindness beyond our own sickbed.

The Cold Kindess Effect: So, while the initial motivation for our kinder selves might be self-preservation (who wants to be yelled at while feverish?), the benefits extend far beyond the sickbed. Kindness, like a virus, is contagious. Our acts of vulnerability, our amplified gratitude, and our newfound appreciation for care ripple outwards, touching the lives of those around us.

This doesn't mean we should all start close-talking sniffling strangers on public transportation to unlock our inner saint. But next time you're under the weather, embrace the opportunity for growth. Let your vulnerability be a bridge to connection, your gratitude a an outstreteched, sanitized hand, and your newfound perspective a compass guiding you towards greater kindness. Because in the end, perhaps the true cure for many ills isn't medicine, but a healthy dose of human connection and the simple act of being nice, even when we're feeling anything but.

 

 

 

Resources:

Vulnerability and Empathy:

Mortality Musings:

Gratitude Amplified:

The Body's Peace Offering:

The Power of Perspective:


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